The final count down…26.2

      Well the last training run is done…short and bitter sweet but am I ready? My body has been through a lot. My feet, legs and knees are all sore with a “little pain”. Ibuprofen has become a daily staple. I’ve been struggling, mentally, throughout last week and this week during training, almost to the point of doubting that I can do this. Is it just fear, or is there something else, something bigger? Has my will been torn or is it on the verge of breaking? I know I’ve said in the past that I should stop trying to go further, faster. Why can’t I just settle for a 10k and run it for fun? Why do I keep beating myself up? I guess it was a sick personal desire to see what my breaking point really is and 26.2 now seems much further than when I decided to test my will. To think, I almost signed up for the 50 miler.

     My wife, Jennifer, went down with serious injury training for this race about a month ago and that’s been really tough on me seeing her struggle with the depression. Running becomes like a drug. You start with a little and all you want is more, and when it’s taken away from you, the withdrawal is not very pretty. I try to stay upbeat and encourage her that she’ll be better soon. And even at times I pretended that she’s fine in hopes that tomorrow it’ll all be better.  This time it’s not going to happen! I really needed her on this journey with me because her inspiration fuels my desire to push myself. I’m still glad she’s going to make the trip with me for this run but in the back of my mind, knowing that she won’t be able to take the start, will weigh on my heart.

      I’ve formulated a few race plans for myself but I’m just not sure which one to run. It’s suddenly all becoming confusing to me. I can’t think straight and it’s hard to focus. This is good to some point because I ran 4 miles last night and didn’t even realize where or how far I went. I was just thinking about which race plan to follow. I guess my body will tell me on Saturday morning and my mind will just have to tag along. Now, just a couple of days of rest…rest? Rest for me is like the calm before the storm and uncertainty is looming.  I’m going to have to do some heavy meditating to find some inner peace and build my spirits up over the next few days or I’ll lose my mind.
   
      I’m sure that, come race day, things will look different and the energy of the runners will inspire me like it has before. I’ve come too far to stop. I just wish my mind remembers that, and I hope my body will follow along….This Saturday morning 26.2 will become a battle with my mind & body and a long slow dance with my soul.  Trust myself, I must trust myself…

1 Comment

  1. You'll do great!! I'll be at the finish line, or maybe doing yoga or something. Either way, looking forward to a fun weekend with you! (BTW, love the slideshow on the blog!)

    Like

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