After postponing my Appalachian Trail thru-hike in March, I started to fall deeper and deeper into the hole of depression and fear without even knowing it. Depression is sneaky, and it’s gradual. Slowly, the fear was growing inside of my head that my, and all of our reality will never be the same. MEDIA, FEAR…Media, Fear…media, fear… As I was falling, my every thought was starting to spin out of control. The noise of confusion was getting louder and louder, yet everything in real time was moving so slow. When will I hit bottom? Will I hit bottom? What will it look like? What will it feel like? Who will I be? FEAR, MEDIA…Fear, Media…fear, media… SCREAM…I need to throw this F’ing TV off a cliff, I need to unplug again from all the panic-stricken media. Really? Murder hornets now, oh wait Yellowstone might also blow…whatever!
The media kept calling it, “The New Normal”. What does that even mean? This new reality, will it last forever? And why? I’m not going to get into the politics of everything that is happening now or then. It’s pointless, but responsible journalism doesn’t get ratings. You see, ratings equal revenue and what better audience do you have than one that is scared into a “Lock Down” with a message of doom, and despair. Sorry media, but I personally have hopes, dreams, goals, and I must climb out of this hole of fear because the phrase “The New Normal”, in my opinion, is just another “Bull Shit Story”.
So before you get all worked up and start trolling me. Delete…Delete… Yes, COVID is real. Yes, people have lost their lives needlessly. Yes, it’s cost people their livelihood, Yes, it has put many people on the front lines to keep this world spinning. Yes, COVID all around will be a horrible place in time in our history. Please, don’t get me wrong, there was and is some great journalism done on COVID, but their messages were lost in all of the fear-mongering and finger-pointing for political gain. In a time of despair, we the people need information without any political bias. Can we simply just have the honest truth? Remember, “We the people ”, as a society are in this together. The politicians, not so much…Ok, I hope you get my point, sympathy and compassion for all, but I’m done justifying myself, life is also for the living.
So, if you made it this far, thanks for continuing to read. I’ll get off the soapbox for now…
Please remind me again what month is it? June. How long have I been in this hole? Since March. I finally landed at the bottom of the hole in May and I wouldn’t say that I landed gracefully. We all have our moments, our slips, our falls. It’s called life, but it’s what you do when you hit bottom that defines your everything. As I laid at the bottom of my hole and slowly opened my eyes, a ray of sunshine shone upon me. And it was then that I remembered a simple phrase, “everything happens for a reason”. I’d been blocking this message all along. I was caught up in all the drama and noise, only to fight it with anger and fear. I didn’t allow myself to just embrace and feel these emotions and to put trust in the message of the Universe and grow from it, and climb out of the hole that I had dug.
So, what does this have to do with hiking? Everything for me, as I almost gave up on my dream to thru-hike the Appalachian trail…So, as I now stand on top of the hole that I fell in, I’ve never felt so alive, with so much hope and with new clarity to getting back onto the path to finding purpose. Stick around, things are changing fast for me, the adventure awaits no more. The mountains are calling to Be_again.
Mental health and mental health awareness have never been so important for us all. If you or someone you know is in need, even if the ego is blocking the ability to ask for help, please find and seek the care that you or they need. Not everybody can do this by themselves and it’s ok. It’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to seek help, and it’s ok to get help.
To Donate Click Here: I Hike for Mental Health
*** I’m also still raising money for mental health awareness through the I Hike for Mental Health organization. $2,193 is my goal which is the number of miles that it will take to complete my journey on the AT. Please consider donating what you can, even if it’s just a few dollars. To read more about this 100% non-profit organization and to donate please follow the above link to my personal donation page…Thank you in advance for your donation!