I Choose Love…

Last weekend I spent a couple of days camping and hiking after a long stressful week.  I really needed some time in the woods to clear my scrambled brain and to just unplug from the spinning world that exists between my ears.  I was glad to have my wife spend one of the nights with me, and together we enjoyed a beautiful day, hiking, walking, and relaxing by the campfire.  We had hours of great conversations, laughs, visioning, and planning, which had me super excited for our future. I’ve recently set a goal (#4819), more to come on that later. I am really looking forward to that goal, but lately, something just seems off.

Let’s not kid ourselves, I was really looking forward to having the next day and some solo time in the woods. Allowing for alone time, even if it’s for just an hour, is super important to a successful relationship, and truthfully, should be a frequent event for everyone. This has worked for us for over 25 years. In fact, my wife is working on details for a solo retreat, and I’m super excited for her spiritual excursion. So, by all means, my feeling “off” has nothing to do with my relationships. I just haven’t been feeling genuinely happy, I been feeling separated from my genuine self, almost depressed and angry at times, and without reason.  

During that night with my wife, she suggested that I should get back to my spiritual side and that reading a self-help book might get me back on the right track. I used to read self-help books on and off for years, and about many different subjects. Honestly, they have always had positive results. When I think back, I really haven’t read a self-help book in the last 4 years. Running and hiking have been what I’ve been relying on for meditation and spiritual escape.  The next day was a beautiful morning. I enjoyed a nice camp breakfast and a short morning hike with my wife, and then I kissed her goodbye as she returned home to take on her day.

I spent the rest of the weekend hiking, biking, and walking. But something was still off, almost like when the radio station isn’t dialed in all the way. You can hear the music, but it’s a bit fuzzy so it’s just not moving you emotionally. You might sing a little, but there was definitely no dancing.  When I returned from my day’s adventures, I texted my wife and committed to her that I will take that next step and read a book that she suggested.

The book she chose for me was “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabrielle Bernstein.  After my return from camping, the following day during my lunchtime walk I started listening to the book. Just as Gabby instructed, I started to practice my mantra, “I choose love over fear and I trust that The Universe has my back”, and within minutes something seemed different. Almost like a huge emotional rock was lifted off my chest and a warm feeling ran through my body.

The following evening, I decided to listen to the book again while I went on an urban trail hike. I recited my mantra and after a few minutes, I had to stop…I was blown away by the smells of the woods, flowers, and nature…Everything seemed right. Then it hit me, The Universe just showed itself to me. By surrendering my fears, I was able to receive the happiness that I’ve been missing. I realized that I had been so yearning for the future, that living for today had been missing in my life for the past few months.

As I continue listening to Gabrielle Bernstein’s book and repeating daily, even hourly, my mantra and other prayers wherever and whenever, I now know that I need to pull back, stop wasting energy on fear, and let The Universe guide me. Since this enlightening moment, my stress has been lifted, love has returned, and once again my radio has been dialed into sweet sounds of nature, and life.  I don’t need to rush to the end of a trail to achieve happiness, as there’s plenty of happiness along the way. Thank you, Jennifer (& Gabby)…BE_again.

Solo hike…You can almost see that something was missing.

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